About her.
“What should surprise us about domestic abuse is not that a woman can take a long time to leave, but that she has the mental fortitude to survive.”
When you get married, it’s easy to imagine dreaming of a new home, friends and babies and living with a husband who cares for you. But try to imagine that dream disappearing and instead being told what to wear, who you can see and what to eat. Imagine that your husband takes control of your bank account and keeps you prisoner in your own home. Sometimes he hits you, but mostly, he just controls every single aspect of your life. And your background - a lifetime of learning - has told you that he’s always right. But really, deep down, you know this isn’t right and that you need to make a change.
Sadly, that’s the reality for a number of women from all walks of life both English- and non-English-speaking backgrounds who are living in silent terror with the man who was supposed to love, protect and care for them. Leaving is not easy and making a new life is even harder.
“Before she feels trapped by fear and control, it is love that first binds her to her abuser, and it’s love that makes her forgive him when he says he won’t abuse her again. Abusers are rarely simple thugs or sadists – if they were, they’d be far easier to avoid or apprehend. Instead, like all men, they can be loving, kind, charming and warm, and they struggle with personal pain and uncertainty. This is who the woman falls in love with.”
Nidhi’s story.
He wanted children immediately and was very demanding in that way, even when I said I didn’t want to. Eventually he started locking me in the house when he went out. And he’d take my phone with him. I tried to be a good wife, but nothing I did was “right”.
Melissa’s story.
He controlled my life and I’d even given him $75,000 that I’d inherited. I’d been going to buy a place but he said he’d take care of it. I was massively underweight, walking on eggshells and too ashamed to reach out to any of my friends. I walked out with nothing.
Petra’s story.
I’ve been married for 25 years. I’ve been a good wife. Always taking care of my husband and family. It’s hard to make my husband happy. He tells me that I’m stupid, fat and lazy. If I talk back to him he says he will kill my dog.